Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Friendship (at least for guys)

The internet has brought about a new era of communication and action.

For those of you who don't know...

When a large group of people assemble suddenly and perform an unusual action for a brief time then quickly disperse, it's called a Flash Mob.

You can find some famous ones, here, here and here.

This afternoon, I organized my first Flash Mob...

At 2:15pm, a good friend of mine named Garrett and I were studying in our Fraternity's library (the 'Brary). He finished his work and I still had half a paper to write.

Bragging, he announced to everyone in the 'Brary that he was "going to take a nap."

Furious that I still had to write a paper and Garrett was going to sleep, I decided to organize a flash mob.

I immediately sent the following email to my Fraternity listserv (90 people):

If you're not doing anything...

Garrett just informed me that he's going to "Take a nap."

I would like to prevent him from doing this.

If you're not doing anything between 2:28pm and 3:30pm, please call Garrett
at 336-###-#### and ask him a worthless question.


End Message.

In the next hour, Garrett got 40 calls and 16 text messages.

Needless to say, he did not fall asleep.

Pomer - 1, Garrett - 0

Note: Thanks to those of you who participated.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009


For those of you keeping track...

My mom called me this afternoon to ask me why there was a huge bag of Snuggies on our front door.

I know, I didn't see it coming either.

But they're finally here!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Watermelon Story 2.0

Do you remember the story your parents told you about what would happen if you swallowed a watermelon seed?

For those of you who don't remember, first of all you're an idiot and secondly, a watermelon supposedly grows in your stomach.

This afternoon, an alumnus of our fraternity (John) came by to check up on the progress of the fraternity, upkeep of the building, etc.

Here's a brief snippet of the conversation:

John: "How's everything going?"
Me: "Fine."
John: "Any problems with the building itself?
Me: "Nope."
John: "Any more bug problems?"

(We had a bug infestation last year.)

Me: "Not really, I woke up this morning to a ladybug crawling out of my nose."
John: "Are you serious?"
Me: "Yeah, it scared me at first but ladybugs are pretty harmless, right?"
John: "You'd better hope she didn't lay any eggs up there."
Me: "Haha yeah, wouldn't that suck..."

End snippet.

After initially laughing off the matter, I've become increasingly concerned about the actual possibility of a ladybug nest resting peacefully in my nose.

I've had visions of waking up in a week with a cold and sneezing out hundreds of ladybugs...

Thoughts of having to join the circus as The Insect Sniffler...

Dreams of fighting crime at night in a ladybug outfit (see below) with my many mini female friends by my (in)side...

Scary. I know.

Odds are nothing will happen.

But I think either way, I've just discovered the next big old wives' tale.

If you have any other possible uses for my potential future superpower, please let me know in the comments.

Sunday, January 25, 2009


I'm not naive. I know I'm living in a fantasy world.

I live with 40 of my best friends, I have zero responsibilities before 11:00am, and any time I want to ask a girl on a date, I have the perfect excuse...

...a cocktail.

For those of you who don't know, here's a quick definition of a fraternity cocktail:

Main Entry: fra·ter·ni·ty cock·tail
Function: noun
: a social event where friends, sometimes referred to as 'brothers', take dates out to a nice dinner usually followed by dancing and debauchery.

I had one such cocktail last Friday and had such a good time that my evening warranted a second date.

Unfortunately, I've been classically conditioned over the last three years and now have no idea how to ask a girl on a date unless there's a cocktail scheduled for the upcoming week.

Realizing that there's no 'cocktail excuse' in the real world, I decided it was time to get some practice...

After two hours of deliberation, a half-hour of Facebook, and 15 minutes of crying, I panicked and sent the following text message to my potential date:

"I had a really good time at the cocktail and I want to ask you to come to another cocktail this Friday. Unfortunately we don't have a cocktail on Friday. What do I do?"

At the time of publication, she has yet to respond.

And if you remember correctly, this scenario isn't exactly my cup of tea.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Who doesn't like a good adventure?

I got a lot of positive feedback from my last post.

Apparently you all like reading about the (sometimes non-conventional) ways with which I try to use Facebook to initiate conversations, especially when the initiation is so outlandish that there is almost zero chance of actually having a reasonable conversation.

Today, I sent a Facebook message that I immediately regretted. Naturally, I thought I share it with you...

But first, a little background:

- Last night, I met a girl (Katie) for the less-than-10th time.
- She's friends with one of my close childhood friends (Lacie).
- Katie and I talked for 30-ish minutes.

I tried to look her up on Facebook today by going through all of Lacie's friends named Katie but there were five Katies with very small, hard to see pictures so I couldn't be sure which one she was.

So today, I sent the following Facebook message to five girls named Katie.

(For reading purposes, I suggest you play along as if it were sent to you.)

A picture is worth a thousand words...

...most of the time.

In the case of your Facebook picture though, I'm not sure it is.

It's really small and I'm actually not even sure if you're the friend of Lacie's named Katie that I've met a couple of times including last night. If you're not, feel free to calmly dismiss this message and ignore the Facebook invitation. I won't be offended at all.

In fact, I sent this same exact message to five other of Lacie's friends who are also named Katie.

So if you're not the one, please stop reading now.


Hey Katie!

Looks like you're the one. That's great news. I'm glad I found you.

I feel like I went through a lot (arguably too much) trouble to find you. But I'll let you determine that...

...via a little game.

1. Do you think that I went to too much trouble to find you?
a) Yes (go to #2)
b) No (go to #3)

2. Do you regret reading a Facebook message that's this long?
a) Yes (go to #4)
b) No (go to #5)

3. Have you ever gone through this much trouble to find someone on Facebook before?
a) Yes (go to #6)
b) No (go to #7)

4. That's completely reasonable. I wouldn't even consider reading this much if I were you. Thanks for playing along, you really shouldn't have. I'll see you around.

5. Wow, that's impressive. What were you doing that was so miserable that you'd waste your time reading something like this?
a) I was in class (go to #8)
b) I was doing homework and needed a break (go to #9)
c) I love Facebook and wouldn't dream of not reading every word of a message (go to #10)

6. You must have really needed to find that person. Why did you need to find him/her?
a) I needed help with a homework assignment (go to #11)
b) I fell in love at first sight and had to find the guy (go to #12)

7. Thank god, it's a complete waste of time. If I didn't have an hour to kill between my two classes on Wednesday, I wouldn't dream of doing something like this. Surprisingly though, it's been pretty fun. I hope you (at least marginally) enjoyed this. Have a good one.

8. Wow, class must have been incredibly boring. I hope this made it a little more entertaining. Hey, at least you didn't fall asleep. If class hasn't ended yet or you're bored later on in the semester, go to #13.

9. I promise you, you should have spent your break doing something (anything) else. If for some reason you found this in the slightest way entertaining, go to #13.

10. I too love Facebook (ex. this absurdly unnecessary message). Have you ever written anything like this before?
a) No (go to #14)
b) Yes (go to #16)

11. Well I hope you got the help you needed. I still think there was probably an easier way to get it but I admire your resolve. I hope you're not furious with me for wasting your time and maybe I'll see you around.

12. Did it work out?
a) Yes (go to #15)
b) No (go to #16)

13. I keep a blog and while it's not going to enlighten you in any way, you might find it interesting particularly since you're the main topic in a recent post. Feel free to check it out. (

14. That's incredible news. No one in his/her right mind would ever write something like this. It's good to hear that you're a reasonable person. Hopefully, I'll see you soon.

15. That's amazing. I'm so happy for you and wish you the best of luck. See you around.

16. Will you marry me?
a) No (go to #17)
b) Yes (go to #18)

17. Good choice. I wouldn't marry me either. Maybe I'll see you around.

18. To confirm, please reply to this message with the subject line, "I do".

Let me know where you ended,

P.S. No, I wasn't lying in the first paragraph. Your picture was only worth 687 words.

End message.

You're probably thinking, Why?

Well I'll tell you Why...

(Go to #7)

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

If at first you don't succeed...

In my experience, then you probably weren't meant to.

A few days ago, I created Facebook event entitled I know this sucks but I lost my phone and I need people's numbers.

Sounds innocent enough, right?


There are two factors that you are unaware of:
1. I did not lose my phone.
2. I only invited one person to the event, a girl that I will refer to as JT.

For those of you who don't know me, getting a cute girl's number is not really my cup of tea.

So I figured I'd use a little trickery and then six months later, while we were merrily strolling down the beach holding hands, I'd tell her how I got hew phone number and we'd laugh the day away...

Well guess what, figuring isn't really my cup of tea either.

Two days and thousands of Facebook-checks later, I was still number-less.

So yesterday, I got bold and decided to try try again.

I thought, maybe she just skimmed over the event invite and I need to take a more direct approach.

So I sent her a long confessing Facebook message explaining what I'd done, hoping that she would find it remotely entertaining. I also gave her some raw incentive (detailed in the snippet below) in case she was the bribe-able type.

Snippet below:
"In exchange for your phone number, I will tell you...

1) The movie that I'm most embarrassed for crying in.
2) My favorite Pokemon.
3) My PID number and permission to use it for up to $10 worth of Alpine (I have a ton of extra expense dollars).
4) Which 'NSync song I'm currently listening to.
5) One demand of your choice."

End Snippet.

You'd think that nobody could resist such a tempting proposal.

Well JT isn't a nobody, she's a somebody. And a much more elusive somebody than I initially imagined.

More than 36 hours since clicking that dark blue send button, there's still no response.

I'd tell myself she's playing hard to get but I passed out midway through hour 14 from holding my breath.

Sometimes life throws you a curveball. My advice, don't try throwing one at a girl.